You need to pay attention to your ego and know how to control it.
When you have done somethings with your good heart, do not let your ego to destroy your good work, Control it, sent it to the Violet Flame to transmute it into the Universe.
You know I am close to you as Peter pointed out. You know it right from the beginning as you saw how your were being lead and prepared to join the EGA.
You are here to know yourself, but you are still too afraid to know it fully completely.
Now when you start to have the sensation you need to sit yourself down to write.
Stop all excuses.
Why are you still asking the same question again and again. You know who She is. Connect with her, connect with yourself.
I am always with you dear one.